How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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