There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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