True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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