Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
