My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
