To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
