he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
