return my video game
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
No subtext here. People are naked.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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