The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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