I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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