I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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