he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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