Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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