i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
