i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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