Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
