Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
