counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Randomize
