I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
