Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Do vagina's smell?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
