If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
