I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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