Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
