You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
