She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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