He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
