I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
