sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
