I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
