she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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