I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
