I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
In other news, I just burned my penis
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
