i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
this hospital has no fireball
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
