I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
