I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
