i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
