Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
