there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
