69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
