Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
