The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
