I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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