My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
