dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
