im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
