I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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