Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
