dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
