I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
