Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
