Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
