I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
