No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
