i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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