tell your sister to shave her snatch
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
NoShamevember. You game?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
